Jo Dee and Christina
Mother and Daughter
On Earth and in Heaven
Christina's story of her journey with cancer is well-documented at her blog at christinaahmann.com. She was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2007 and left this earth on June 13, 2013. My hope in writing this blog is to share some of the profound lessons that have come through her life and death. As I read through her journals and process her final weeks, I am humbled to call her my daughter. I am learning how to live and I believe I have learned how to die.
Christina died four weeks ago and I intend to eventually share some of the great views of heaven she left us with. But for now, in my first weeks without Christina, it is enough to say that I miss her very much. But do I want her to be given back to us? No. She is with Jesus and she was so very excited to see Him face to face.
From Christina's journal, April 16th (3 weeks into hospice care)
"Lord, can I ask a simple, maybe even selfish request until the moment I go home? Will you somehow miraculously allow me to stay vibrant, coherent, clear minded, and fully able to feel you, express you, and maintain my own personality in this process? Oh, Lord, I can't imagine a better way to end my days--besides perhaps getting to lead someone to the Lord personally somehow. I pray that the way I go is not traumatic to anyone who might have to witness it. May it be peace, peace, peace. May it be a time where your presence is so beautiful, thick, and joyful that no one witnessing it or even hearing about it would ever deny you. Lord, please put the exact people to be there that need to be, for their own hearts, for mine, and for your biggest glory to be known. I so deeply trust you with this too, Lord. I don't wish to die, Lord, but I do long to see your face, and I feel it stronger every day. To be swallowed up by life, REAL LIFE. Thank you Jesus for this excitement. It gives me a bit of a skip in my step, even with an 'ouchie' back. :)
JESUS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR JOY!
I never expected or even knew that I could experience it now and in this powerful way. You are so kind, my Jesus. So kind. I love you." Christina
And so I have been asked, "Would you want her back then, without cancer?" Again, I have to say no because she said no. Much to my surprise, a year into her journey through brain cancer, she said she would not go back and have a "do-over" with no cancer. She said she wouldn't recognize herself. She treasured all that God had done and was doing as she dealt with life and cancer.
As I stand at her gravesite, I feel a life lived to the fullest. No time wasted. Every task completed. "Well-done good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Lord."
And I am very, very thankful to call her my daughter.