Christina was in Hospice care for 77 days.
So many wonderful days.
Several very hard days.
It felt like a marathon.
I knew it would have an ending but we could not see the finish line. There were a few times that I felt I could not do one more day. And then I found myself moving through the next day.
I was told that ‘each day has a purpose.’ I believed that. But I could not see the purpose in some days. This is where faith directs the path. These things I reviewed in my heart over and over.
- God had numbered each of Christina’s days before she had lived even one of them. (Psalm 139:16)
- God is not capricious. He knows what He is doing. (Jer. 29:11)
- God is good. (Psalm 100:5)
- The death of one of His saints is a precious time for Him. (Psalm 116:15)
- The Lord is near as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. (Psalm 23:4)
- We are never forsaken. (Hebrews 13:5)
These truths and many others were my lifeline through difficult days.
As the days wore on, I learned some things.
- Some of life’s best lessons are learned in the fire. I learned a new compassion for those walking a hard journey—and there are so many journeys much harder than the one I walked.
- I needed to know that God cared intimately for my heart—not just Christina’s. Many times, in many ways, God met very personal needs of my own heart. Needs that were not spoken aloud and that no one else could have possibly known.
- God is a God of mercy. On May 30th, Christina said, “God keeps sustaining me. He sustains all of us.” His power was evident. No more seizures. No more trauma. No loss of personality.
- His joy really is available for us at all times—no circumstance can thwart it.
And then there was the truth that capped it all off. Doug told me after her memorial that every one of those 77 days were for him. He and Christina used those 77 days to pray together, mourn together, cry together, and worship together. They spent precious days talking about raising Isaiah, enjoying their love, taking walks in the evening, and laughing together. He said, “I don’t know how I would be making it today if we had not had those days together.” When I cannot see the purpose of today, I can trust that God knows the purpose and is working it out in His great and merciful ways. He is good. He is sovereign. He loves us more than we can imagine.
Psalm 138:8 The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy, O Lord, endures forever.