Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Can it Be Almost Two Years?




Sharing shaved heads with her brother.
It is hard to believe that it has been almost two years since Christina left us.  It seems like she was just here.  The pain of missing her is quite acute at times. I never know when it will sweep over me and I expect that will be part of my reality for the rest of my life.  I think there are many different paths of mourning and many different kinds of circumstances that affect our mourning.  I know that the length of preparation we had makes for a different kind of mourning.  We did not deal with the heart wrenching shock of losing Christina suddenly.  We had 5 1/2 years to prepare, to watch, to help, to wonder.  We had time to be together, to talk about life separated, to go on some amazing trips.  We had celebrations before we ever had to deal with a Memorial Service.  All I could think about at her various wedding events was the pure delight to gather with our friends and family and know that it wasn't about Christina leaving us.  

For the last two months I have had questions about this blog and whether or not it should continue.  

Enjoying Hawaii.
This morning I had a unique opportunity to process through those issues.  Some of you know that for the last 10 months I have been in training to become a life coach.  It's a field that I barely understood when I took the first training last September but I have become convinced of the value of coaching as it brings about clarity and direction.  I was in a telephone conference with my mentor coach and 4 other class members and our mentor asked to coach me in a coaching demo.  I brought this blog to the table for discussion.  Should I continue?  Should I wrap it up and consider it done?  What are my motives for continuing?  

The miracle hair grows back!
As my coach questioned me, I was able to express my concerns, my desires, my fears, and truth.  My concerns and fears all centered around motivation.  Any blog can be used in wrong ways.  The worst for me would be to call attention to myself or to meet some unsurfaced need for affirmation.  It can be very tempting to make life about people's responses or interest.  How many people have read a post?  How many responded?  If there is a lot of interest or response, it can foster pride and pride is the default nature of humans.  It takes about one second to move from humility to pride and great diligence to fight against it.  My desire is to write to draw attention to God's beautiful work.  My desire is to share the hope and joy of Jesus.  

There was also the question of ending a blog.  As I talked to my coach, I realized the most important thing for me is the truth of eternal life.  Christina's story is about eternity.  It is about the truth of Jesus.  It is the truth of John 3:16--Whoever believes shall not perish but have eternal life.
Christina's story is really a story that God wrote in her.  He worked in and through her.  He made himself very known in her final days on this earth.  He allowed Isaiah to enter this world.  I realized that Christina's story is not done.  Her impact continues.  Isaiah continues.  Those of us left here continue. And the truth is, Christina continues in the presence of Jesus. 

Two great things came out of my coaching session this morning.  
  • The owner of the story of this blog is Jesus--not me.  If He gives me something to say, I will say it.  If He wants me to quit writing, I am sure He will make that obvious.
  • I will continue to be diligent about my motivation for writing.  If self-serving or pride surface, I will repent and continue.
I look forward to writing as more of life unfolds and God shows us His amazing Glory.

Thank you all for reading and for sharing this story.  

(I hope you enjoy the fun pictures.)




On a cruise with Linsey--pre cancer.

14 comments:

  1. Hi JoDee, I so have enjoyed reading this blog and it has been a gift to many, I'm sure. I understand about your concerns about continuing, since I have a blog myself, and many times, I have questioned my motivation for keeping it. Two things stand out for me as I discern. First, could it help someone? And second, does it bring glory to God? I ask myself both questions frequently and I really feel that the Holy Spirit prompts me to keep it up. Like you say, God will let us know when the time is right to wrap it up. In the meantime, let's trust the Spirit that our contribution is with God and for God. Love you! heidi

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    1. Thank you, Heidi. I love your questions--I think I will adopt them, if you don't mind. Your blog definitely is helpful, spiritually challenging, and brings great focus on God. Your voice is a good challenge to remain present with God.

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  2. love this.. love the beautiful process… and yes love the pictures… and I love the Author of our stories!

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    1. It was such a fun process for me. I feel very thankful for the new clarity. Much love to you, Nancy:)

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  3. JoDee, I have deeply appreciated your blog and the transparency and vulnerability that you have shared with us. I usually don't post or respond because I don't have the word to express or process what you have shared. I still don't! But I believe your blog has and is being used far more that you will ever know, by His power and for His glory. Thank you for your humbleness in acknowledging that and willingness to continue being used as He desires. Love to you!

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  4. Thank you so much Sarah. I was reminded today that Christina always shared her story whenever and wherever she was asked. She was well aware that God was at work behind the scenes. You have given me a great reminder that I just need to listen to Him and leave all results in His capable hands. Love, Jo Dee

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    1. LOVE love L O V E to read your updates. Yes, I love reading about Christina, her community and His workings through all of it...but I also love to read about you and the LIFE, His story He is working out in and through you as well. It's all pointing to Him ;).

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    2. Thank you, Stacy. Your encouragement means so much to me! I am very thankful that Ruth connected us through your shared journey with Christina and I am so very happy that you became such close friends. You brought such amazing understanding into her journey--and a fair bit of relief (to know she was normal). I love you:)

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  5. LOVE you. Love this. Love that you wrestled. Love the outcome of the wrestle. Ditto what others said. Know that Jesus shines through you -- so brightly! We hardly see you!!! ;) And I can't believe two years have happened. I'm so glad I get to see you here and in the blog.

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    1. Thank you Dina. You are one of the amazing blessings of this story. How would we have ever met apart from ICU's?

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  6. I am glad that you will continue writing. I did not have the privilege to know Christina well. My first meeting with her was at IBC's WIM where she spoke - she was inspiring, and still is through your blog. Thank you for taking the time to continue sharing her with us.

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    1. Thanks, Nanette. I am so thankful she was living here. I love that our women at IBC got to know her.

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate post with us. I really enjoyed reading it. Anyway dear I am going to get married at one of the prettiest venues for weddings in Los Angeles and want to write a blog for sharing the whole wedding planning process. Could you please provide some tips for my blog site?

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