Friday, September 20, 2013

Love and Forgiveness

Two incidents (one in Christina's journal and one in her final weeks) have challenged me over and over again.  Someone had hurt Christina and, as her mom, I was feeling a bit protective.  She walked out of her bedroom shortly after the incident and grabbed my hands.  She expressed her hurt and anger and realized that she needed to go in a different direction.  She said, "I don't want to make this all about me. I need to forgive right now and so do you.  We cannot afford to carry this into these next weeks.  We need freedom."  
Oh, how I felt like we both deserved to be
angry and unforgiving.  And yet, I knew she was right.  Carrying the offense one more minute was not going to be good for our hearts.  Anger would lead to bitterness and bitterness prevents the joy of Jesus from filling us.  And so, right then, we both forgave and then experienced the freedom of love.  Love does not flow well through a bitter and angry heart.  I cannot imagine how different the last weeks would have felt if we had exercised our "right" to be angry and bitter.  How much of God's blessing would we have missed.  Looking back, I would not want to trade the beauty of Christina's final weeks for our "right" to bitterness.
The other incident from Christina's journal also continues to instruct me.  She processed so many of life's events in prayer--written out in her journal.  She described an incident--the hurt--her effort to look like Jesus--to listen to Him carefully.  After the incident, she wrote about what was so hurtful to her,  why it hurt, and the questions she struggled with.  But then her very next sentence surprised me and instructed me.  "How do I move forward in love in this situation?  What does love look like?"
She didn't ask how to get even or how long she could be sullen.  She didn't move into a posture of despair or manipulation.  Just--How do I love?
I have been thinking how different all of our relationships could look if we would forgive quickly and ask, "What does love look like in this situation?"
This is not easy.  We live in a world that wants to claim our rights.  We think that we will lose part of ourselves if we forgive too easily.  God sees it differently.

Ephesians 4:32   Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

As we forgive and choose to love, we receive from God
His peace, power, joy, and love.  Quite a good trade off, I think.

19 comments:

  1. Christina was wise beyond her years and her wisdom here is a lesson we all need to learn. Forgiving those who have slighted us is one of the hardest things to do.

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    1. It is a very difficult lesson--easy in theory--difficult in real life. But forgiveness is freedom.

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  2. More reminders of living well while living here. Forgiveness truly is a bridge and without it we'll never reach those we're supposed to be connected to. Thank you for sharing this poignant message.

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    1. I agree, Karen, about the bridge. Without forgiveness, we end up in a very small world connected only to those who have not yet offended us.
      It is a sad, small life.

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    2. Karen, I have to ask this!! Are you Earl and Shirley's daughter? We talked recently if you are!

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  3. JoDee, once again, your post touches my heart. What a blessing, what a joy to see Christina's heart and your heart... yielded, loving, submissive, obedient, resting and trusting in our Lord. Grace grace and more grace!

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    1. Well, thanks:) I have to say I am in a huge process. This is a hard journey but a necessary one. Forgiving because Christina told me I should was a difficult thing. I knew she was right and one of the reasons I cooperated immediately was because she wouldn't be with us for many more days. I thought it was a small thing I could do for her.
      Forgiveness-- we get to practice it our entire life! I like the end result--moving toward peace.

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  4. So powerful. Freedom in forgiveness.....moving forward in love....moving toward peace....receiving His peace, power, love and joy. I love that Christina chose it - that she was so quick to move forward in love. It's part of what made her so beautiful. It's what drew people to her -- and to Jesus. She loved well. So thankful.

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    1. I agree Susan. It did make her beautiful and powerful. And she did look like Jesus:)

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  5. Hi Jo Dee, Thank you for sharing your story!

    One day our pastor preached on forgiveness and asked us to take inventory in our hearts. I was feeling pretty confident as I took inventory in my heart because I had dealt with some issues with my dad and forgiven him, but then I felt God spotlight a huge area of unforgiveness in my heart. My sister was murdered in 2002 by her boyfriend. I felt God asking me to forgive even this. I have to admit that for the first few minutes I was having a temper tantrum in my heart, saying, "No, God! You can't expect me to forgive the man who murdered my sister!" But, I felt Him whisper, "Let it go. Trust me and let it go."

    In faith, I gave it to God and said, "With you, Jesus...with YOUR strength, I forgive." The freedom that followed was incredible. I have a new peace in my heart. Our pastor wisely said that forgiving someone doesn't make what they did right, it just frees you from living in bitterness, hatred and anger. It is a good freedom. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, Jo Dee! You are a blessing!

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    1. I love that forgiveness brings freedom. Your illustration is an extreme one but the same truth applies--from the small offenses to the ones that rip our hearts out. Thanks for writing.

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  6. Wonderful! I remember this that day & the power it brought.. very supernatural!
    I just walked thru this process this morning.. Jesus shepherds us so well... ouch it hurt, yes this is why it hurts you.. no do not go there with your hurt..nope! that is not going to help.. yes you can still serve, wait, not in bitterness, that is better, choose to love, choose to be grateful... yes forgive, refuse bitterness.. ahh isn't freedom a great place to live? O Beloved...yes! You are so so so GOOD!
    Thanks for a peek into her precious heart again! love it!

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  7. this is so powerful; Thank you for writing; i'm using this entry tomorrow as devotions for our seniors at church. i've learned so much of God's tender care and wisdom through your and Christina's online journals. frog ardy (Kristin's mom, Courtney's grandma)

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  8. Thank you so much for taking the time to write and for sharing with others. I feel that keeping Christina's journey to myself would be a bit of a waste.

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  9. absolutely! your intention & focus are greatly appreciated; i'm so thankful Kristin pointed me to these, specifically 2 others that i read aloud to my husband in SEP when his daughter passed into God's glory. it was wonderful to read to him from another parent who has journeyed this painful walk and remained focused on God's promises.

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    1. Well, that makes my heart sing. It is a road that many of us travel and I am grateful to share with others my amazing God:)

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  10. It's good to hear that you forgave the ones who did wrongful deeds to you. It can be a difficult task, but what you did is right. Don't cage yourself in hatred as it would only give you stress.

    Russell @Kenosis Center

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