It's been almost five years since I have had a conversation with her. Her number and picture have not popped up on my phone.
There are no new pictures being taken or videos bring made.
Those things make my heart sad.
But these things I am learning.
1. Christina will not be forgotten. People still talk to me about what they learned from Christina...how her words come to mind at just the right time.
2. One of Christina and Doug's greatest acts of courage and faith was to have a baby in the middle of brain cancer. She knew she would not raise Isaiah but she trusted God to provide for him and for Doug when she was no longer here.
3. I think God has eased my pain by giving us this little guy to love and care for. He reminds me of Christina in remarkable and odd ways. He loves sports and adventure and stands on the porch of his friends house until someone comes out the door. Too shy to knock on the door--just like Christina. He has tiny little freckles showing up on his nose at the same age that Christina's freckles showed up.
4. God has answered Christina's prayer concerning Isaiah loving his story. Isaiah enjoys sharing his story and works at helping his little sister, Charlotte, understand his life. "Charlotte, that's my 'old' mom. My first mom."
5. Isaiah is connected to Christina in ways I do not understand. For the past two years, Isaiah has insisted on bringing yellow roses to Christina's grave because "Christina loves yellow roses." That is a piece of information that is news to all of us but he is sure. Isaiah also told me that if he feels lonely or can't sleep he looks at a portrait of Christina in his room and feels better.
6. Life is still full. Isaiah loves his family and his life and the challenge of it all. It is a great joy to watch him learn and grow and explore.
7. Christina lived her life well and finished well. I hope to do the same with all that is before me.
Writing this blog has been good for my heart and has helped me to think through this remarkable time. Being able to share this blog with others has helped me share the story of Christina's life with fewer words. The five year anniversary of Christina's transfer to heaven seems like a great time to end this season of writing. Thank you all for reading and following and loving. You have been a priceless gift to my heart.